oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
