What did we do last night that was yellow?
Welp...herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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