How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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