no, he came in my armpit
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
