You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
