The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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