I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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