He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
