if you like me you must not know who I am
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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