So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
