It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
