How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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