getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
