god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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