Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
