My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
