I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
