OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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