okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
