The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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