So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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