Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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