thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
