at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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