soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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