can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
