but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize