We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
