how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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