this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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