In the future we'll all be gay
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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