the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
