margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
