Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
