I think my vagina is haunted
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
