So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wear drunk well.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
