so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
