even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
