I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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