So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
