I bet he comes in French.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
