Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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