We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
