i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize