at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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