Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
