Screwed.edu
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
