sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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