what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
