Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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