also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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