Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
