Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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