Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
