Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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