Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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