At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
