woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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