Tell her she can't have a vagina
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
