You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize