I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
