Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize