Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
