Heybabeimwearingurpanties
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
