how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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