My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
