Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize