the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize