I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
