Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize