so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
